An Oral Hygiene Surprise

Brushing my teeth this morning went pretty well until I spit the toothpaste out into the sink, and in the middle of the toothpaste spit lay a dead ant. I have devised several ways to make sure that this does not happen again:

1) Do not pass out in bed with a mouth full of funnel cake.
2) Get rid of "Dirty Bear," a teddy bear stuffed with dirt.
3) Make up with ex-girlfriend, Amy the Anteater.
4) But first, kill Amy's new boyfriend, Andy the Anteater, via poisoned raisins on peanut butter on celery.
5) Buy RAID brand nighttime tooth whitening system.