Location: Chicago, Illinois, United States

Tuesday, January 02, 2007

The Unwanted Guest

I am high.

From killing.

A roach sprang from the hole under the radiator. It scurried in six-inch increments and then paused, twirling its antennae.

"I told you assholes not to come out when the lights are on," I said. "The hours between three and sunrise are yours, and I think I've been more than generous."

I grabbed a thick rubber band from the thick rubber band container. With the first shot, I took a leg and flipped the bastard on its back. The remaining legs spun, shocked, and I lined up the second shot from above, though I did not lean close, not wanting to give away the extra half second, as that might allow it to regain its footing.

The impact blasted the bastard a foot into the air. It landed, only half its legs struggling. I respect the hardiness of the roach. It is a more than worthy opponent. I picked up the rubber band and reminded myself to wash my hands.

I took the third shot from six inches. Afterwards only one leg moved, then stood still.

I ran a paper towel under the faucet for a burial at sea in Garbage Sea.


Blogger amadea's world said...

You murderer !

3:53 PM  
Blogger barbie2be said...

um... EIW!

10:26 PM  
Blogger utenzi said...

An "independent contractor" from Chicago that aims well and kills without regrets. I think we have the makings of a movie premise here, JMH. We might have to substitute terrorists for the cockroach but other than that it looks ready to pitch.

Michele sent me over to marvel at your tale of bloodless accuracy and daring.

10:27 PM  
Blogger kenju said...

Michele sent me too, Sprout, and I am reminded of the first apartment I moved into. I got up during the night for a glass of water, turned on the light, and my eyes were assaulted by the sheer thousands (well, probably hundreds) of roaches on the walls and counters. ICK. The exterminator came every month thereafter.

10:47 PM  
Anonymous MissMeliss said...

You are *so* my hero, even if the roach was on your turf not mine.

We call them 'water bugs' here in TX and pretend they're harmless, but the reality is unavoidable: roaches are EVIL.

Thanks for visiting my blog, btw.

11:47 PM  
Blogger David said...

that is a beautiful tribute to a worthy opponent

10:59 PM  
Anonymous Nikki-ann said...

I take it you've got a good aim with a rubber band then! If I was to try that it would go anywhere other than it's intended destination!

8:34 AM  

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