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Location: Chicago, Illinois, United States

Friday, December 26, 2008

The Suburban Fantasy

My friend Bill moved to the suburbs in exchange for a clean house and clean sex, pure and cold as a hole in an ice sculpture. Of course, that's not fair to his wife. She'll call me bitter and jealous, and probably impotent besides. Maybe that's the case, but I don't see why a figment of Bill's imagination needs to turn on me like that.

In my lighter moments, I too indulge in a suburban fantasy. In my head, I move in with my blonde lawyer wife, who owns a cute house with a cute yard. She's sharp as a diamond blade and doesn't hesitate to mention my lack of earning prowess when I laugh at what the priest says in church, even when it's ridiculous to the point of humor, even when it's a parody of Christian love. We navigate social circles, always having the best manners. We grow so terribly awfully bored with each other that I do yard work for excitement until she takes me to the hospital when I cut off a finger, again. At the hospital she says "I love you" and strokes my hair while the doctor re-attaches. We have good health insurance. That's probably the best part of the fantasy.

Then one day, she goes to the grocery store (not the one where the brown people go -- in order to maintain our superficiality, we've had to channel all our natural passion into racism). There's the hiss of gas escaping into her empty house and then soon appears a trail of fire and a great ball of flame. Bricks fly for miles. Standing in the cul-de-sac, I laugh, and it's over.

If she visits your imagination, say hello.
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2 Comments:

Blogger Crys said...

oh dear.

that was brilliant.

the brilliant part involves the reader, me, trying to figure out what you are truly saying.

happy holidays, sir.

10:49 PM  
Blogger jorg wobblington lopez said...

So that's where the hot blond lawyer came from. I saw her rollar skating and tried taking some pictures of her. But my camera was in fact a rubber chicken.

P.S....Reercong

10:37 PM  

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