Location: Chicago, Illinois, United States

Thursday, May 11, 2006

Live at Cause

Some voice has been telling me to live at cause and not to live at effect. That is, among things that happen to me, I should try to increase the ratio of things I cause to things that I do not cause. My deepest thanks to whatever self-help guru thought up these terms because they have become my favorite rationalization of illicit, indecent, and illegal behavior.

I am living at cause when I walk down the westbound shoulder of Lawrence Avenue at midnight drinking a tall-boy Old Style, unashamed. I am living at cause when I open all the blinds and flip my wang at the Korean (side to side), Arab (spiral up), and Yuppie (pointing, accusatory) passerby. I am living at cause when I compliment the spitting, cursing homeless lady on her choice of loose fitting pants and then slip her a twenty for some over-the-clothes analingus (where I am the lingus until beaten senseless). Self-help, indeed. Tell that to my dentist, who sends me home with a roll of toilet paper rather than a toothbrush.


Anonymous Al T said...

You, sir, are among the filthiest of filthy bastards.

5:09 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Get Over It

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9:34 PM  

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