Sprout-kido

When confronted with an opponent, punch him or her in the neck. Aim for the part that breathes. If you miss, you will still hit tender flesh and render shock. If you hit, you may kill him or her, but don't worry about that. God will forgive you, provided you say seven hundred seventy-seven consecutive rosaries without making a mistake.

If you miss the neck and your opponent is male (possibly having no neck), aim for the nuts. Hitting the nuts directly will disable any and all limbs that could do harm to you. This will render him pathetic. Take sympathy upon him. Pull his pants and compliment him on his grooming. If he has no grooming, compliment him on his wilderness preservation.

If you miss the neck and your opponent is female, run.

If you miss the neck and nuts and your opponent is male or an angry lesbian, bite anything that you can bite. After you bite, move your head in a side-to-front, side-to-back motion, thus tearing as much as you can. You will lose the battle, but with luck, infection will win the war.