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Location: Chicago, Illinois, United States

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Competing Assertions

Assertion 1: The degree of divinity in a human is directly proportional to the pleasantness of his or her body odor.

Example (A Savory Miracle): A busboy, while filling your water, tells you that he has skipped a month of showers, yet he smells only of caramelized onions, so intensely that you cannot help but ask him for some armpit hair to top your pork chop.

Assertion 2: The degree of divinity in a human is inversely proportional to the pleasantness of his or her body odor.

Example (Self-esteem from the Sea): An aging actress in your pilates class causes you to leave and apply for a job cleaning catfish just to get some relief, thus erasing your lifelong embarrassment at reeking vaguely of landfill.

2 Comments:

Blogger Diesel said...

Interesting, as I was just today theorizing that our entire society is built on the notion that good looking people know what's best for us.

1:30 AM  
Blogger Jay said...

Hmm.

No wonder I don't like people.

10:58 PM  

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