Location: Chicago, Illinois, United States

Wednesday, August 08, 2007

Hump Day Humpings

This Hump Day, the following people or things tried to hump me:

1) God - succeeded in dry humping me, except while I showered -- that was wet humping. But He is omnipresent with His humping. In fact even now, He continues to hump me, and He will do so until my death. Then the clothes come off. Through decay.

2) The neighbor's terrier - did not succeed in humping me because I bent my knees to catch her in the head before she could gratify herself. I felt bad about this later. Who am I to stand in the way of self-gratification upon my ankle?

3) The neighbor's terrier (2nd round) - succeeded in humping me and seemed really relaxed afterwards.

4) My first cousin once removed - did not succeed in humping me. Not because he's gay and likes incest, but because I am not gay and don't care for incest. Although, first cousin once removed? Does that really stop anyone?


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