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Location: Chicago, Illinois, United States

Saturday, February 27, 2010

Advice and Noses

Instead of judging, a friend suggested I might be happier just describing.

"As in your nose," I said.

"Yes," she said, "what about my nose?"

"It's so capable of of gathering and distributing a vast quantity of olfactory memories. Memories of your grandmother's house, memories of that night I adopted a baby skunk and later that night disowned it for sassing me."

"Are you saying my nose is big. Too big? You think my nostrils are giant repositories? Do you think...are you going to sell me to Dyson?"

"I don't think Dyson would buy you. You don't suck enough."

Not funny, apparently.

"Your nose is wonderful," I said. "I love it."

"That's judgmental."

"No, that's descriptive."
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11 Comments:

Anonymous Asylum Dolly said...

We ladies are very self conscious about our noses. I've been told mine resembles a ski slope :(
It is cool though how one smell can trigger so many memories and emotions...

I liked the sucking joke too *juvenile snicker*

7:59 PM  
Blogger JMH said...

A ski slope...? Have you been dating very tiny Nordic men?

As for the sucking, I keep insisting that it works on multiple levels, to no avail.

8:07 PM  
Blogger jorg wobblington lopez said...

I love sniffing. My nose seems longer if you look at me from the left side, because it is bent towards the right. Where would we be without sniffing?

11:12 AM  
Blogger JMH said...

We'd have to use our tongues to smell, I suppose.

9:58 PM  
Anonymous Asylum dolly said...

As a matter of fact, yes! I did once date a very small nordic man. Or maybe he was just really far away. When he tried to snowboard on my nose, I told him it was over.I won't get into the details of what he liked doing to my nostrils.

12:50 AM  
Blogger jorg wobblington lopez said...

Tongue sniffers, sounds good. Not to be confused with those who like to sniff tongue. Tongues with smell buds? A mixture of taste and smell buds? What could be ore perfect? Of course, burping would take on a new intensity.

9:36 AM  
Blogger JMH said...

Bon - Snowboard terms and tricks: Halfpipe, Nosegrab, Indy Nosebone, Bonk/Jib (build your own joke).

jorg - As would postponing laundry day -- checking pairs of pants to see if they're still wearable.

8:51 PM  
Blogger Rassles said...

In regards to noses and all that, I have my dad's. Not like, in a box. On my face.

12:06 AM  
Blogger JMH said...

That's a better place for it. The cartilage would certainly deteriorate in a box. Where on your face did you have it grafted?

7:51 PM  
Blogger Stella said...

My nose is small and simple. I really like Adrien Brody's nose, always have. It's got character, as my grandma would say.

10:17 AM  
Blogger JMH said...

Adrien Brody's nose reminds me of a can opener.

4:23 PM  

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