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Location: Chicago, Illinois, United States

Tuesday, February 02, 2010

Roommates

Certain people feel more like roommates than guests. They get their own drinks and snacks, but not intrusively. They sneak a smoke in my office. Sometimes they dangle their bits and pieces out of their flies, waiting, just waiting, because who expects that? Oh, that's not them, that's me. What, there's no kids around.

You see why I'm confused?

Hospitality puts everyone at ease. The best way to relax is to eat. It gives the hands and mouth something to do. The hands leave the pockets and the mouth breaks out of its frozen smile. Even if the food tastes gross, it creates conversation when they spit out a half-chewed mass onto the counter. Oh, again, that's me. What, there's no kids around.

You see that I'm confused?

Or maybe you see why I have no roommates. And why there's no kids around.

4 Comments:

Blogger Peau said...

i don't know why boys do this with their bits.

8:06 AM  
Blogger sybil law said...

Peau, I think if I had one of those things I'd totally whip it out at random. Probably for the best I don't.
Roommates are overrated.

11:50 AM  
Blogger jorg wobblington lopez said...

If you need a roommate I know a few who would probably love to live with you.

8:20 PM  
Blogger JMH said...

Peau, it's because we can and because we've been told not to.

Sybil, you seem to understand. Or at least acknowledge that after getting over the shock of waking up with a new toy, you'd play with it and see what it can do.

Jorg, any roommate who slams the door is going to get a sledgehammer to his fingers while he sleeps. Beforehand, I'd slide some plywood beneath his hand. Advise your candidates.

11:34 PM  

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