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Location: Chicago, Illinois, United States

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Celery

Those who endure the imperfection of celery are trapped in a painful semi-consciousness, not knowing whether to chop or throw away the only part left -- the flaccid yellowing pieces toward the center. Salads of great beauty flow through their minds, but their minds cramp up, unable or unwilling to commit to adding less than a perfect crunch to tuna and mayonnaise and maybe cumin, chicken and mayonnaise and Dijon mustard, even beans. Even beans.

Then there is no salad -- no salad at all. The great salad architects have become saladless, dry, and it's a chore to eat. They have not yet discovered that they are seeing their own faults, their own imperfect textures, through a magnifying glass with a handle of celery and a celery-colored lens.

8 Comments:

Anonymous Asylum Dolly said...

Celery! It's a stringy bitch, and i can only eat it if it's cut up into teeny pieces! And yes,it goes floppy too fast. I often open the fridge in my underwear, so I'm hoping it's not me that's causing that. The cheese seems to like it- it goes hard pretty quick if i don't cover it's eyes (or the cheese equivalent of eyes. Cheeyes?) with foil.(better than clingwrap , because it is opaque, and also conforms nicely to the cheese shape)But cheese and celery are two very different creatures.

Anyhoo, cool wordies! I've often wondered what the world would look like through a celery magnifying glass!Well no, not really, but i am wondering about it now.

12:58 AM  
Blogger JMH said...

Good jokes! I giggled.

1:26 AM  
Anonymous League for the Suppression of Celery said...

Put down the celery and step away. An LSC Hazmat Team is on its way to assist you in detoxifying your environment.

For more information you can check out the League for the Suppression of Celery web site.

10:13 AM  
Blogger JMH said...

I was wondering who was banging on my door this morning. I thought it was just cops.

11:46 AM  
Blogger jorg wobblington lopez said...

Good celery post! I can tell you are passionate about celery. It even got celery guys attention. I can't believe celery's nerve to not provide a perfect crunch to beans.

12:13 PM  
Blogger sybil law said...

Wow. Seeing celery so many times now has me thinking it's like, some kind of body part, like an artery.
Also, good with peanut butter and all the stringy ickiness torn off.
But there is nothing worse than limp celery.
Well, wait - yes, there's worse...
:)

3:29 PM  
Anonymous Asylum Dolly said...

Oh man. League for the suppression of Celery!!!!! Awesomeness. That kind of comment would've made my day.

1:00 AM  
Blogger JMH said...

jorg - celery can be tough.

sybil - yes, worse things, worse limp things.

Bon - Yeah. Who could've known that there is such a thing? I very nearly wrote the post about lettuce brown around the edges.

9:55 PM  

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