Location: Chicago, Illinois, United States

Monday, January 31, 2011

Selections from the Container

I keep a big black plastic container next to my computer. It houses the contents of an old Marshall Fields box into which I tossed pages and pages of printouts that I don't want to throw away, but for which I don't have any immediate use. From time to time, I like to share excerpts with you all. This is one of those times.

From a journal entry dated 12/30/98:

Meditations on a Lamp

What's with lamps? I don't understand why when you're drunk you have to act like one. And why is it called a lamp? It's not like you're plugging in a baby sheep. I think that the baby sheep would object to being plugged in, especially if the connection was rammed up its ass.

Not ass in the donkey sense, but rather The Colon's Cave, as I like to call it. And why is there a punctuation mark named after part of my lower intestine? Instead of two dots, it should be represented by a brown smear. That might be tough to convey on a typewriter though.

Typewriters remind me of my grandma's dentures. They both make the same sound, especially when my grandma coughs, and her dentures go skating across the floor. Usually she coughs because I've punched her in the stomach.

Note: I've since ceased making abuse of the elderly jokes, because, well, it's kind of real.



Blogger sybil law said...

I am so glad you have a blog! (And that I get to read it. Seriously. This made me laugh.)

10:59 PM  
Blogger Stella said...

Lamp on it's own...plain jane.

LAVA and lamp paired together? True love.

11:07 PM  
Blogger jorg wobblington lopez said...

This is a vehicle to parallel universes.

9:40 AM  
Blogger JMH said...

sybil - it made me laugh too.

Stella - that's what I'm talkin' about. Where's yours?

jorg - I'm glad I live in this universe.

9:53 PM  
Blogger Rassles said...

Typewriters like dentures. Fucking perfect. For me it was the clatter of hooves and the pony express and now I will never shake the image of dripping gums and runaway dentures delivering messages with teeth.

1:48 PM  
Blogger jorg wobblington lopez said...

Haha, ate too much candy. Where's all the fucking candY???? Har.

11:41 PM  
Blogger JMH said...

Rassles - I'm always flattered by your contributions.

jorg - candy candy candy

9:35 PM  

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