Thoughts of the Good Beast

I like the list format, and I think I am good at it because it gives me boundaries. Sometimes I call the list "observations" or "assertions" or "People Who Are Blessed With Not-so Stinky Crotch Glands," but the common denominator is that I must smoke grass before composing the list, so here goes (that last cough was deep like emphysema):

1) As you drink, your mental age decreases, and at some point, you might seduce a woman while a toddler -- a toddler with a six and a half inch cock. And well, come morning, you might remember that she seduced you with a red plastic ball.

2) I lust for world domination, but I should hatch a nest full of orphan robin eggs before I get the privilege. And then feed them until they can fly (carne asada taco + shot of warm mescal + repeat, aiming the mouth over the nest).

3) I despise Sarah Jessica Parker's age, but I have a crush on her increasing ugliness. Matthew Broderick is transgendered. If in Iraq, he would be hunted by the Badr corpsmen police for immoral behavior, but escape death due to his boyish charm.

4) (removed for using the term "tightly woven Vatican sausage.")

5) So you've gone brain dead. What's the best part? It's only physical stimulus that makes you hard.