Location: Chicago, Illinois, United States

Thursday, November 02, 2006

Project for the New American Dinner

I went grocery shopping and bought several things that are good for lunch: tortillas and quesadilla cheese, potato and onion pierogies, Krakus ham, and six pack of Heineken. It is not lunchtime, though, and dinner ingredients are scarce. I fear that I will not eat, so I will focus the available resources of my household in a Project for the New American Dinner.

The Project for the New American Dinner is dedicated to a few fundamental ingredients and beliefs: that Texas beef is good both for me and the world, and that such beef should be served free of spices and condiments used by brown or poor people -- like hot sauce; that the white potato, of the starches, has the strongest moral vision in its many eyes, and that its vision condemns the carefree depravity of wild rice, the undemocratic fluffiness of bulghur wheat, and the French cut bean; that the can of peas has been engineered to perfection by visionary scientists, and that the PNAD will bring the world peas.

I have been given a great opportunity. Since I showed the world that borscht contains evil beets, leading to the fall of borscht, Beef and Potatoes stand as the world's preeminent dinner. Some liberal elements (they call themselves gourmands) want to squander this unique chance. But I will not fail in this essential challenge. Indeed, failure is not an option.

Some critics may argue that my Project for the New American Dinner is neither new nor American; that it seems similar to German dinners in the first half of the twentieth century. But the Germans were not prudent in how they cooked their dinner. They did not heat up enough peas, often substituting sauerkraut. Furthermore, their peas were not plump and sweet like mine, although they did have a project to engineer the perfect pea.

Such a dinner of beef, potatoes, and peas may not be fashionable today. But it is necessary if I am to eat and ensure that I am full before I pass out from prescription drugs. And not generic ones either.


Why does this taste like corn and soy?


Blogger amadea's world said...

Borscht is a great meal!
I wonder what Krakus ham is.
are pierogies piroggen? these russian filled pastries?
also like them.

12:35 PM  

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