Location: Chicago, Illinois, United States

Thursday, November 16, 2006

The Second Head

I have two bodies and two heads. As the magic of consciousness gives me only one personality at any given time, I must alternate day-to-day. Today I decided that it was too much trouble to carry over my shoulder another full body -- especially when I go on vacation. How much easier it would be if I just took the second head. It would fit so easily in a backpack or a bowling bag, cliche as that may seem.

So I cut off the head that I was not using. I dumped the body over a bridge. Tomorrow I will just replace the head that I wear today with the head that I carry under my arm. People are staring at me like they've never seen someone carrying a head identical to the one attached to his neck. Though it does drip.

Now I have just had a troublesome thought. In order to switch heads, I will have to cut off my current head tomorrow, killing me unless I can hire a live-in seamstress who sews quickly, professionally. I bet the stitching will still be obvious and ugly, and what if she sews it on crooked? I can fix the former problem with a turtleneck, but the latter will be difficult to resolve, at least until the next day's decapitation.

Now the head under my arm is beginning to shrink and turn black. I did not forsee this. It looks like a gorilla head. It is unusable. I have only one head and one body. I am not unique anymore.


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