Hair
In the elementary schoolyard, sniffing the new girl was an effective way to get a few laughs, force someone else to introduce me (I was shy), and appear crazy enough to deter Timmy the Bully. Now, twenty years later, I wish I could go to therapy to control my hair-sniffing compulsion, but it is my choice to want to sniff hair, and it underscores my virtue when I deny myself. The hilarity is over. Life is to be endured.
Oh, but it's awful on a crowded bus, standing at nose-level with a beautiful head of chestnut hair glimmering in the sunset and just needing to bury my face in it like a cool sweet pillow and just snort the strands into my sinuses and sneeze and sneeze and sneeze on the neck below, the warm neck below, so warm and like a goose...
Instead, as the stops go by, I shake and sweat like I'm holding back an insistent bowel movement. I count backwards from one thousand by sevens. I breathe. I suffer. I vote Republican. If I shan't have pleasure, no one shall.
Oh, but it's awful on a crowded bus, standing at nose-level with a beautiful head of chestnut hair glimmering in the sunset and just needing to bury my face in it like a cool sweet pillow and just snort the strands into my sinuses and sneeze and sneeze and sneeze on the neck below, the warm neck below, so warm and like a goose...
Instead, as the stops go by, I shake and sweat like I'm holding back an insistent bowel movement. I count backwards from one thousand by sevens. I breathe. I suffer. I vote Republican. If I shan't have pleasure, no one shall.
posted by JMH | 8:35 PM
9 Comments:
Wow. Hair sniffer, huh?
:)
there are a lot of you people out there. I have two friends that give the back of my neck (which is hairless) a huge sniff when they give me a hug. It used to creep me out until I saw them do it to everyone, especially long haired girls.
you vote Republican?
nothing is worth that...
This is where I planned to differentiate the personal "I" from the character "I," but you guys seem pretty much okay with the hair sniffing, so maybe I'll become a hair sniffer.
Maybe, sybil, I already am a hair sniffer and I just won't admit it to myself.
Lora, that still strikes me as weird. Just because they do it to everyone doesn't normalize it. But hell, I guess it's their thing, and it's not really hurting anyone.
Hi peau. No, I don't and never will, but I figured it pairs nicely with repressed sexuality.
There is nothing quite like a good smelling. It's why I'm so jealous of dogs.
Because they smell so well or because they can do it with impunity?
Yeah, if I sniff anyones crotch I get slapped.
*guffaw*
I'm so coming back here. Even your comments are amusing.
--> this is me being amused.
(ps. being a hair-sniffee, not so amusing. kinda creepy actually)
Thank you. I try to amuse. People wouldn't come back if they weren't amused, and I'd die alone, unless in a plane crash. In a plummeting airplane, I would definitely hold hands with the strange woman next to me, even if she had been sneezing into that hand. But at that last instant, would I sniff her hair?
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