Location: Chicago, Illinois, United States

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Suggest titles in the comments

I can't explain my driving compulsive perfectionism to others, nor would I want to. My train's wheels squeal and spark against the tracks. My own words stagger back and forth against the walls of my mind, dehydrated but defiant, stunned by the cruel rigor of my demands.

So they rebel. In that spirit, here's my (latest) effort at hip-hop:


Challenge me son, and I'm not so nice
I'll cut you apart on my recording device.
When the crowd falls quiet, then I get the panics,
So I hide in a corner, and I chew up a Xanax.
I don't like to curse, but what the motherfuckin' heck...
Crazy Johnny's my name, I'll stick a needle in ya neck.

That's how I'm gonna get laaaaid!

When you step to me, I step on back,
Because you stink real bad and you whyme weal wack.
You remind me of Jimmy, he talks like a clam,
And when he gets drunk, he gives his wife a choke-slam.
Now he's in therapy, and it's good for him...
He's more sensitive, and I'm with Mrs. Jim.

That's how I always get laaaaid!

We'll blow up the chorus, don't linguistically bore us.
Brave the danger, explore us
Because it's death to ignore us.

If I don't make sense, just feel my tone,
And check the vibration, now stroke my bone.
Take a taste of my skin, it's honey sweet.
And I ain't got no foreskin on the end of my meat.
Most of my life is about my penis...
But don't worry 'bout the herp, creature of Venus.

That's how I never get laaaaid!



Blogger jorg wobblington lopez said...

I can't think of a title right now, but here is something funny.

9:52 PM  
Blogger JMH said...

I watched it. Intended as parody, but I identify with quite a few of those characters on a real basis. I guess that's parody well done.

10:15 PM  
Blogger jorg wobblington lopez said...

Hopefully not MC Shitmypants Frequently. But all the others I can also identify with.

10:22 PM  
Blogger JMH said...

Well... biological functions are biological functions.

10:39 PM  
Blogger jorg wobblington lopez said...


How about My Penis, My World.

10:43 PM  
Blogger JMH said...

Not inaccurate.

7:24 AM  
Blogger jorg wobblington lopez said...

I saw the first comment you left.

How about My Ding-Dong Up In Here.

9:26 AM  
Anonymous Job said...

Your flow so tight it leaves me breathless....

Like a fat kid with asthma runnin' up the stairs.

Lyrics devastatin' me like chemo... Now I'm left with zero body hair(s).

Uhnnn Da Na Na Na

Thats all I got.

The "laaaaid!" portion should definately be rapped like Master P

3:47 PM  
Blogger JMH said...

That'll make 'em say "Uhh."

8:56 PM  
Blogger Lora said...

I didn't know you were so hardcore.

more of this, please.

12:07 PM  
Blogger JMH said...

I'm about as hardcore as HardCore cider.

I'll see what can do about making more. It's a long, silly process.

7:37 PM  

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