- An adequate casserole contains a can of peas, a can of condensed cream of mushroom soup, a can of tuna, and Jays ridged potato chips, layered twice in that order and warmed.
- I take my pants off when I enter my apartment because I'll need to wear them again, and also someone across the street might like to watch me walk around in my underwear.
- If you go to a live poultry store for a fresh chicken, always pray to your God while they're killing it. That way, you obtain both Divine favor and a meal.
- If your brain is the Earth, desertification causes hangovers.
- The voices in my head are obviously not real, except for one, and that one doesn't say much.
- An orangutan is not a good roommate.
Let's make it interactive! Leave your vote in the comments section, and I'll begin a post with the opening line who receives the most votes (if it's a 1-1 tie, I get to vote twice).