Problem/Solution/Com- plication

Problem: I deny death in day to day life. When it happens, it's shocking to an unpleasant degree.

Solution: I address the terror first. Death is the ultimate unknown, but trillions have done it. From the other side, I'm sure they'd say it's no big deal. It's always there. It's natural.

Complication: If it happens to me, I'm going to poop myself.
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So you know where I've gone

I have an above-average need to worry so I've been hanging out in the parking garage attached to a nearby hospital, Swedish Covenant. It is easier to worry about all the uninviting looks people give me than to worry about where my life is going, and why I've been up all night again watching The Andy Griffith Show. But before you jump to conclusions (on your jump to conclusions mat), I only hang out in this parking garage during early daylight hours, and I try to keep moving. A person who walks through a parking garage is less suspicious than one who loiters, and walking is exercise, and exercise is something normal people do. But sometimes I wonder what percentage of parking garage crimes are committed by innocents who entered the garage just to enjoy the desolate ambiance, but then are driven to hack someone to pieces by circumstances out of their control. This is why I don't carry anything that could be used to hack someone to pieces, not even my Motorola RAZR.

I never hear about good things that happen in a parking garage. I think these events probably go underreported in the mainstream media. I should get my hands on a copy of Parking Today, the parking industry's trade publication, because I bet it's filled with ads depicting positive encounters in parking garages. I could make color copies of those ads and put them under people's windshield wipers to inform them. That would anger some parking authority figure, who would tell me I'm not welcome in his garage. Then I would hug him and tell him that I love him, thus dealing the death blow to parking garages' negative image. If only I had the guts to both loiter and litter.

I like the roof (Level 5) of the parking garage best. It's clear when it's cold, and I can see the toy-sized Chicago skyline. I only admire it for a few minutes at a time because there are always two or three vans up on the roof, and I envision myself dragged into one,"disappeared" for witnessing a politically damaging love affair or a politically innocuous murder. If a van's a-rockin' or a-screamin', "Help me!", I'm a-leavin' in a calm, cool manner. Like I didn't see nothin'. Any hospital patient who witnessed my disappearance would also be easy prey for my power-addicted abductor. Such is the nature of my high-risk, low-reward lifestyle.
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Unwanted Results

Today I felt very anxious. This third day anxiety comes after drinking one night and staying drunk the entire next day. This isn't the first time it has happened, nor will be the last, but it seems to defy logic. Since I pass out fairly early from the day-drunk (and usually eat well), I would expect to feel somewhat normal upon waking up the next morning (never the case). I feel nauseous. This nausea isn't like the throwing up variety. It seems more psychological than physical. It is the anti-euphoria.

What is it about a bender that causes this guilty sensation? Do I feel bad because I act like an animal sometimes, or is it simply a symptom of dehydration? Did I do something awful while I was "time travelling?" I woke up with all my clothes on and no bruises on the body. Did I use up all my endorphins on my liver? Should I take more vitamin C? There are no good answers to these questions, but it soothes me to ask them.

Empirical evidence gathered since the original publishing of this post suggests that the third-day anxiety (also guilt, shame) relates less to the physical consquences of drinking (e.g. dehydration, bruising), than to the behavior associated with it (e.g. ridiculing God, urinating for arc) . Specifically, the level of post-drunken anxiety is directly proportional to the inhibition difference between the drunken fool and the average sober self.

One hypothesis for solving this problem involves acting the drunken fool while sober. By reducing the inhibition difference, one must reduce the level of post drunk anxiety. However, does this action eliminate the need to get drunk?